colourmyworldrainbow

I walked Zoe around the neighbourhood’s block this afternoon as soon as I arrived home. She is always excited to be walked around. It’s my first time to be walking around the neighbourhood and talking with neighbours as it’s been quite a long while since I last had a leisurely walk around. I have not really been talking much with neighbours – not since I was younger in my teens and younger as we played with other children in the neighbourhood.

As I walk Zoe, little children are naturally attracted and awed by Zoe’s size for a dog. She’s a mini pinscher hence would forever be a cute little darling puppy even when she’d age.  And so, they’d want to touch Zoe but be reluctant at first. On our fourth time coming around the block, the little girls are by now eating biscuits. Twice, big pieces of their biscuits would accidentally fall on the ground to Zoe’s delight. By this time, one of them would extend her hand and get tickled as Zoe’s tongue licked her tiny fingers – this of course after the little girl was sure Zoe would only lick my hand without biting afterwards.

It was altogether a happy walk. The kids asked me to come walk Zoe around again tomorrow. I am also happy being able to meet some new neighbours.

(November 12, 2011)

Zoe, is a mini pinscher. She’s the new addition to our dogs. She’s about four and a half months now. Her color is black with some parts of her brown. Zoe’s eyes are black. Zoe was given to us by Tatay’s fraternity brother. She used to be named Olesia, a Mayan name for “fighter”. But because the name is quite long, we decided to change it to Zoe meaning “alive”. There were three choices actually, Zoe, Zora for sunrise and Kali meaning black, fierce, lively. I wanted Zora or Kali. Tatay preferred Zoe as it is more feminine. And so, Zoe it is.

Zoe is such a playful mini pinscher. She’s so alive and just like what they say about mini pinschers, Zoe’s not afraid of dogs five times bigger than her. I guess she wouldn’t be afraid even if they were ten times bigger than her.

 Just like typical mini pinschers, she’s friendly and so full of energy. Zoe does not jump on kids. She would not really mind other people around her when she’s with you, her owner. Ah, but she’s rather playful and would love being pet and touched. Zoe needs a blanket to sleep on and keep her warm especially on cold nights.

And, she doesn’t really eat much. Two tablespoons of rice or oats with some veggies, and once a week treat of meat or liver on rice is enough for her.  One more thing, Zoe is a barker. She’d bark on the slightest sound or noise – very useful especially when there are unfriendly elements lurking in the neighbourhood.

Your loved ones don’t really leave you when they die. Once in a while, especially when you are at your lowest, you’d feel them. They’d make you feel their presence. You know its them because you don’t get goose bumps. I know because “Papa G” as we would like our nieces and nephews to call our Papa had made his presence felt many number of times. We see him in our dreams, young or as he was with his white hair making him more handsome.

He came to me in my dreams at my lowest moment some seven years ago. He must have heard when I cried out “Papa” while washing dishes I could feel the unbearable pain stabbing at my chest and the tears started rolling down my cheeks and mixing with the water. He had left his finger imprints over my injured leg a year ago as if to console and comfort me.

Last year on All Saint’s Day, coming from a mass for our beloved dead’s soul at St. Therese’s columbarium where his remains lay, we knew it was Papa G who pulled the bell the second time as we waited for mama to open the door. He also made his energy felt by us as he knocked at the car’s hood in our trip to our farm in Batangas.

This year, two days before all soul’s day, Papa G came as a brown butterfly waiting for me at the truck coming back from an interview – perhaps to remind me to visit his remains.

He may not be the perfect father but I love him nonetheless.   I know he is rested where he is now, and ‘am confident he is with his Creator.

He asked her twice, thrice how they would be like together in one house… He’d imagined they’d be like kids chasing each other around the house until both gets tired and ends up in each other’s arms. He’d tickle her until she’d beg for him to stop; get her mad and crying so he’d have reason to console her and hug and kiss her until she stops crying… She’d say she wouldn’t know… never telling him it would  be what she’d want – playing around as children would… carefree and expressing themselves as they are without fear of being judged… not afraid to be naked to each other… she’d welcome the patient and understanding side of him, anticipating his sweet and caring ways…  being cuddled and hugged, wanted and missed… looking forward to being inspired by him and most of all— loved and appreciated as she is. She would give back as he would be willing to give.  Ah, but she wouldn’t say… afraid, unsure if he really meant asking… but then she never asked why he asked in the first place…

He asked her for a kiss she would not give. He asked if she didn’t like to kiss him anymore. She nodded. She could only guess what went on inside his head at that moment. He asked why and proceeded to say because he is old and showing grey. She held his hand then–in an effort to make him feel how she wants so bad to kiss him… to be locked in passionate embrace in his arms. It would not matter if he’s older, or if he looked older than the last time she saw him. She’d think of him and how good his kiss would be. She’d imagine about his kiss and taste him in her dreams. But its as far as she can go…. could not add some more to these forbidden thoughts. Don’t hate her. Please understand. Can’t they see each other and be as friends? She’d wish he’d practice some restraint. She loved him so she would restrain herself from giving in to her longings or his. It isn’t right. One day perhaps when they’re both free…. For now she could only sin craving for that forbidden kiss….